i killed today

one of the saddest days was today....i held my dog in my arms as she was being euthanized...the most terrible feeling anyone or thing can experience...i aided in killing my dog when she could have kept living...i paid someone to kill...a family member...i killed my dog when she could have seen many more days, months, maybe years...i can't stop crying,...i didn't want to let her go, i should have stopped it, i should have helped her much earlier, i shouldn't have let her go, i should have fought for her, i shouldn't have let her go, not now, not ever, how do you move on from something like this....i killed today....i killed my precious dog today....i feel like life isn't moving anymore, because i can't see her over my shoulder... i can't believe what i did...i wish i could take it all back, i wish i didn't kill her, i wish i were...some place else...i can't stop crying, i wish i could take it all back...